Of Motor Woes, Mystical Stars and a Most Unorthodox Measure of Success
- Lady Southdowns
- Mar 6
- 8 min read
My Dearest Readers,
Some of you, no doubt, have been wondering at my recent absence. Fear not, for I have not forsaken you, nor have I been spirited away to some distant land - although life, in its infinite unpredictability, has done its utmost to derail me. However, I return today, resolute and undeterred with tales to tell and wisdom (or at the very least, mild amusement) to impart.
James and His Lamentable Woes
Ah, James. My ever-faithful, if somewhat temperamental, motor carriage. It is with a weary but unsurprised heart that I must report yet another unfortunate episode in his long and storied career of mechanical woes. Midway between appointments the week before last, James, in a fit of despair, chose to abandon all pretence of usefulness and ceased operation entirely. The cause of his malaise was, at first, a mystery, but after much deliberation (and, I suspect, a fair amount of eye-rolling from the good people at K&P Motors), it was determined that a flat battery and a redundant brake switch were to blame.
Happily, after a brief convalescence, James has been restored to full health and is once again gallantly braving the heavily potholed roads of Sussex. How long this state of grace will last is anyone’s guess, but for now, I shall enjoy the illusion of reliability and remain cautiously optimistic.
A Fascinating Foray into the Psychology of Cults
In a rare but most enlightening departure from my usual routine, I last night attended a talk at the Brighthelm Centre, accompanied by the most generous Lady Katherine Curlington, where Dr. Elizabeth Mullan unravelled the psychology of cults and coercion. If ever you have wondered how intelligent, rational individuals find themselves pledging unwavering loyalty to charismatic leaders, surrendering autonomy and defending the indefensible - this talk provided some most illuminating answers.
Dr. Mullan explored the subtle yet insidious methods of recruitment, from the slow erosion of critical thinking to the intoxicating lure of belonging. Contrary to popular belief, cults do not prey solely upon the naïve; rather, they can attract intelligent, curious individuals seeking purpose or certainty in an uncertain world.
Most fascinating was the discussion of why people stay even when confronted with undeniable deception. The fear of ostracization and shame, deep emotional investment and sheer reluctance to admit they’ve been misled all play a role in keeping members ensnared long past the point of reason.
The talk certainly left Lady Curlington and I with much to ponder - with a newfound appreciation for the power of belief and a firm resolve to ask questions before following any charismatic leader into the proverbial abyss!
A Most Unorthodox Means of Measurement
As some of you will know, I have embarked on a determined mission to rid myself of my excess baggage so unceremoniously accumulated during the Great Pandemic. It has been, I must confess, a Herculean effort - one filled with exertions of a most unappealing nature. And yet, despite my best endeavours, I have staunchly avoided stepping onto my most modern (and, I am convinced, most judgmental) weighing device, fearing that its cold, unfeeling digits might deliver a crushing blow to my already wavering enthusiasm.
However, fate, in the form of a broken-down shower, had other plans. With no alternative but to submit myself to the confines of the bathtub, I was filled with deep apprehension. You see, dear readers, history had not been kind to me in this regard. In previous months, when forced to partake in a bath, I had encountered a most regrettable phenomenon: upon lowering myself into my somewhat snug tub, I had, in effect, created a dam - one which prevented water from reaching the lower half of the bath, leaving it as dry as the desert, while the upper half threatened to spill forth like an untamed river!
Thus, I braced myself for yet another awkward and undignified encounter with the laws of physics - only to discover, to my utter astonishment, that the water now flowed freely past me! No longer did my posterior act as a blockade! No longer did the tides rise and fall at my command! It was, in every sense, a glorious revelation, one that demonstrated, at long last, my efforts had not been in vain.
Now, I make no claims to scientific rigour, but I am willing to declare this a most satisfying measure of success. A finer proof of progress, I daresay, than any scale could provide!
Miss Margaret Handsome’s Marvellous World Book Day
Today, in the otherwise peaceful town of Burgess Hill, Miss Margaret Handsome has set off for school in the most splendid of World Book Day ensembles - none other than Willy Wonka himself.
With deep purple coat tails swishing, top hat perched at a rakish angle and carefully crafted cane in hand, she strode forth, every inch the eccentric chocolatier. Clutched tightly in her other hand was her most cherished tale, the very book that had inspired her transformation.
Armed with Wonka’s peculiar charm and a mischievous twinkle in her eye, young Margaret entered the school gates, ready to dazzle, delight, and perhaps - just perhaps - hand out a golden ticket or two.
One can only imagine the marvel of her classmates as she stepped into the classroom, a vision of literary dedication. And as for next year? Well, who knows what character will emerge from the ever-imaginative mind of Miss Handsome…
A Gladiatorial Spectacle in Bognor Regis
At Butlin’s during February half-term, echoes of ancient Rome could be heard as some of the stars of the BBC’s Gladiators reboot made a triumphant appearance, thrilling audiences with their displays of strength and prowess. Children and adults alike had the chance to witness these modern-day warriors up close, as they clashed in feats of endurance and agility, proving that even in our technologically advanced age, the allure of gladiatorial combat remains as captivating as ever.
Alas, I was most sorry to have missed this grand spectacle! One can only imagine the atmosphere - the roar of the crowd, the dramatic contests of skill and the sheer theatricality of it all. But even more regrettable than my own absence, I daresay, was that of my most esteemed friend, the Duchess of Portislaird, who must have been positively beside herself at missing such an opportunity to don her giant foam finger and enthusiastically champion her chosen gladiators. No doubt she would have provided fervent and unwavering support from the sidelines, quite possibly to the alarm of those seated nearby.
One can only hope that another such event arises in the future so that we may rectify this most unfortunate omission - foam fingers and leotards at the ready.
Upcoming Events: A Season of Culture, Curiosity and Celebration
As the days grow longer and the first whispers of spring stir the Sussex air, a host of splendid events awaits those seeking literary inspiration, celestial wonders, cultural revelry, or artisanal delights. From the wisdom of seasoned women writers to the joyous energy of an Irish céilí and from stargazing under the vast Sussex sky to the craftsmanship of Brighton’s finest makers, there is truly something to intrigue, educate and entertain.
Whether one wishes to dance, discover, debate, or delight in handmade wonders, the coming weeks promise an abundance of diversions - each an opportunity to step away from the ordinary and into something rather extraordinary.
Date: 15 March 2025
Location: Jubilee Library and The Old Courtroom, Brighton
Admission: See website for individual workshop and discussion ticket prices
A most distinguished literary affair is soon to grace the vibrant streets of Brighton, as the inaugural Forthwrite Festival prepares to take centre stage. This festival is dedicated to the voices of women writers over 50, a demographic too often overlooked in the literary world, yet brimming with wisdom, wit, and the kind of storytelling that only experience can shape.
Attendees can look forward to insightful discussions, workshops, and industry panels, offering a rare opportunity to glean knowledge from those who have honed their craft over decades. A celebration of resilience, creativity, and the power of words, this promises to be a festival where literature is not only read but lived.
One can only hope that the event will provide ample opportunity for impassioned debates, literary musings over tea, and the occasional scandalous memoir revelation!
Date: Sunday 16 March, 3pm & 5pm
Venue: Shelter Hall, Brighton
Admission: Free - spaces are limited, so advance booking is highly recommended.
For those yearning for a touch of Irish merriment, the St. Patrick’s Céilí at Shelter Hall promises an afternoon of lively music, dancing, and good cheer. Led by the supremely talented Sutton Acoustic, this traditional Irish dance gathering is sure to be a highlight of the weekend, whether you’re a seasoned stepper or a wide-eyed novice with two left feet.
Fear not - Sutton Acoustic will be on hand to guide the crowd through the steps, ensuring that all who partake are swept up in the joyous, rhythmic revelry that only a true céilí can provide. And as if the prospect of an afternoon of dancing weren’t enticing enough, the first 25 attendees at each session shall be rewarded with a free pint of Guinness - a most generous Irish welcome indeed!
This event is open to all ages and abilities, so gather your friends, family, and ample enthusiasm for an unforgettable celebration.
Date: 28 March 2025
Time: 7.30 pm - 9.30 pm
Location: RSPB Pagham Harbour Selsey Road Sidlesham West Sussex PO20 7NE
Tickets: £12.50 per person / £10 for members
Just last week, Southdowns Senior and I found ourselves braving a bitterly cold evening on the beach, determined to spot the seven visible planets with nothing but our own enthusiasm and a (very) vague sense of direction. Alas, our limited astronomical knowledge soon led to much confusion and contradiction - was that a distant world or merely an ambitious aircraft? Was that glowing speck Jupiter or simply an overzealous torch-carrying seagull in the distance? In the end, we concluded that guidance was most certainly required.
For those similarly intrigued by the wonders of the night sky, the upcoming Astronomy Night with the South Downs Astronomical Society promises an evening of clarity rather than celestial chaos. Attendees will learn to recognise the winter and spring constellations, understand the Cosmos and our place within it, and, most excitingly, have the chance to observe deep space objects through high-quality telescopes - with no risk of mistaking Venus for an especially bright streetlamp.
Whether you’re a seasoned stargazer or a hopeful novice (as we were), this promises to be an illuminating and unforgettable evening under the stars.
A perfect opportunity to swap uncertainty for understanding—and perhaps, at long last, correctly identify at least one planet!
Dates: Every last Saturday of the month – next event: Saturday, 29 March 2025
Venue: Brighton Open Market
Admission: Free
For those with an eye for the unique and a heart for the handmade, the Makers Market at Brighton Open Market is a treasure trove of creativity and craftsmanship. Here, artisans and makers gather to showcase an exceptional selection of handmade wonders - from art and gifts to stylish homewares, delectable treats, and bespoke clothing.
But the delights do not end at the stalls! The market’s permanent shops and cafés offer even more to discover, making it a perfect destination for a leisurely day of browsing, shopping, and indulging.
This vibrant market takes place on the last Saturday of every month (excluding August), so whether you seek a one-of-a-kind gift, an addition to your home, or simply the pleasure of supporting local makers, be sure to mark your calendar!
A Fond Farewell (for Now)
And so, dear readers, as I finally conclude this most eventful chronicle, I am reminded once again of the marvellous unpredictability of life - one moment stranded by a motor carriage with more character than reliability, the next pondering the intricacies of cult psychology or the vast mysteries of the cosmos.
I cannot say what new adventures, misadventures, and minor catastrophes the coming weeks shall bring, but I shall, of course, report back in due course. Perhaps with further vehicular lamentations, or a newfound mastery of Irish dancing (though I suspect the latter remains a most ambitious aspiration).
Until then, may your roads be smoother than mine, your literary debates lively and your bathwater unimpeded.
Yours in cautious optimism and inevitable absurdity,
Always the star of my inbox!! Can’t wait for the next edition.